Before It’s Too Late.

January is almost over, and I cannot say I am sad about it.

In 2005, on January 29th a great person in my life got into a car accident and was taken away from the world. It was my first of many experiences with the death of someone close to me, and I would be lying if I said I handled it well. Ever since that day, 5 years ago yesterday, my January’s have never been the same.

For someone who strongly believes in The Secret, sometimes I have to wonder why I have allowed myself to forget what it means to be positive. I was told the other day that “I spend a lot of time in a negative space.” Coming from someone who I have always shared a passion for positivity with, the reality of those words hit me hard. Me? Negative? No way…

But it is true. It is very true. I’ve spent many days complaining, many days sulking, many days not appreciating my many blessings. It almost feels like I have lost all memory of what it feels like to lose something before truly appreciating it … Everything I told myself I would not do after the never ending deaths I encountered in 2005.

If someone told me 5 years later I would be this way I would call their bluff. Not me. Not with all the positivity I had to go around. Not with all the advising, counseling, and uplifting I have been known to do.

What happened to me? With all of the things and people that I have lost in my life, no one could have told me I would digress this far.

Perhaps I make myself feel better because I am not taking advantage of them this time. Though I may sulk and complain and pretend my life is in shambles, deep down I know what I have and what I should always be grateful for; my friends, family members, enemies, and teachers, all of whom I have both chosen and been blessed with. I am thankful for my material possessions, all of which are becoming less and less distracting. I am thankful for the countless opportunities I have been given as well as those I have passed up; for health and strength and daily bread. My thank you’s are ongoing.

So before anything or anyone else gets stripped away from me, this is my thank you. As for my positivity? It will soon return; stronger this time than ever before.

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