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Christmas Shopping & Those Who Should Stay Home

Forget Black Friday; shopping during the Christmas season is the worst!

It is bad enough I already do not like to shop, but being in the mall and on the road with such incompetent people is enough to drive me crazy!

I spent the last two days between Sawgrass Mall and the area around Pembroke Lakes Mall. On Monday I sat in AT&T for more than an hour waiting on their system to resume — apparently all of the computers were down. It was my second attempt to buy mother dearest’s Christmas gift and I decided that I was not going to leave there without it. (Underneath the Christmas tree was far too desolate for three days before Christmas. We are not usually last-minute kinds of people.) Even though I was never a big fan of “good things coming to those who wait”, eventually things did work out in my favour. My friend was able to give me a wonderful discount and I am forever grateful.

Though I am in no way trying to be greedy, yesterday did not work out quite as smoothly. I spent the last of my money on a gift for brother unlucky; an article of clothing that cost twice as much as the gift for mother dearest. He came up with the gift idea on Monday when he went to Sawgrass, and of course it was very much expensive. Prior to that, we had no idea what he wanted.

Aside from an empty pocket, the most aggravating parts of my day were the obnoxious people on the roads. You would think that people would be in the spirit of sharing and being courteous, but not even Christmas can bring that out anymore. They were all too busy being selfish money-angry impatient jerks who reminded me of my one time fantasy of owning a tractor with a scoop in the front instead of my little Fabian. Call it road rage if you must, but sometimes I wish I could just shove people out of the way with my tractor whenever they cut in front of me under the impression that my brakes are working perfectly. I thought it was common sense that if you are coming out of a plaza you are to wait until the cars are far enough in the distance that they do not have to break hard or switch lanes just to let you in, and in order to avoid an accident.

What if my brakes give out?

What’s more is that for once I was actually driving the speed limit and it seems like the world cannot handle it. Between riding my ass at the mall while I looked for a lane to turn into, blowing horns while I let people through because I cannot block an intersection, and coming out in front of me at 5 miles per hour, I have to be thankful that Fabian and I are both in one piece and that I have low blood pressure.

Road Rules (according to moi) *open to objections*

1. Malls usually have two lanes; one that is both a turning lane and a slow lane, and one for those who are not [yet] looking to turn or who are already finished and are looking to leave. You cannot drive in the turning lane with a hoggish attitude. It is understood that yes, people do have to break in order to turn so if you are in a rush please remove yourself from that lane and go into the other.

2. If there is a line of traffic that extends beyond, and would therefore block, where there is an entrance to a plaza, you are supposed to leave enough room so that cars on the other side can turn in. This means, if you happen to be right in front of the entrance, you should leave a gap for them to enter. (Especially if it is the entrance to a hospital; God forbid there is an emergency and you are the ass that decided to fill the gap.)

I’m sorry impatient lady, but the light is red anyway, so why should I rush to drive up and block the intersection? I still won’t be able to go and neither will you if I can’t.

I have come to my own conclusion about the loathsome behaviour of these adults.

All of those folks who really belong behind a computer somewhere far from the rest of humanity and away from consumers are now out and about; the same ones who know how to speak to humans only through a keyboard. They learned how to drive years ago and only get out for practise once, maybe twice, a year. They do all shopping online — this includes shopping for a significant other on eHarmony or one of those other dating sites — except during Christmas when they try to prove to themselves (and maybe some estranged family members) that they can be social and mobile too, just like everyone else!

My solution for dealing with them? The Golden Rule: “Do onto others as you will have them do onto you.”

Did I blow my horn right back? I sure did. Sped up to cut them back off? Indeed. Drove even slower when they were too close behind? Of course!

And you know what? It felt good.

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