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Clearing Space

Today I’m on the boat for the final leg of my advanced diver certification and it’s a lot less crowded, though still no place to take my time with my gear.

There are no big groups of Chinese people, and in fact, the mix today is more diverse. I’m sat here next to some Americans, who I could ID straight away before hearing them speak, eavesdropping on a conversation about safety. It made me giggle and also reinforced to me that by and large, every single American I’ve met who lives overseas feels the same way. That there is better out there — and that we deserve it.

This is comforting because I’ve recently heard my mum say that every time I talk about the US it’s something negative and it made me wonder if that’s true. Sure, I try to point out things that we shouldn’t accept as normal, particularly to my loved ones. But negative? I guess that’s a matter of perception. Regardless, I feel supported overhearing this conversation as the young lady talked about how she didn’t realise how unsafe she felt in life until she moved to Europe. Carrying a knife and pepper spray everywhere she went in the states was normal for her. Until she left and realised it was not. There’s nothing normal about that. On so many levels.

She also mentioned the fact that looking at the country from the outside, particularly hearing what’s going on there, brings such a different feeling. Again, echoed.

I’ve always been critical of the US. Of course this would increase once I leave and am no longer subject to the manipulation of the media. Even more so when I find easier, safer, more peaceful ways of living. It’s only logical. But I don’t think I wear it on my forehead. I’m not carrying picket signs everywhere I go and standing outside of popular places screaming “you’re being fooled” to all the passersby. I will, however, answer your questions when asked and I will speak from the outside with no cushion. Prepare yourself for that if you intend to engage with me about my worldview or politics. (Someone once asked me upon first meeting me “what’s your politics?” and I was instantly attracted. I keep it with me always).

I think these are important conversations to have. With friends. With partners. With family members. I’m sure a lot of people have just recently learned a lot about the politics of those around them, thanks in part to Trump, Facebook, and COVID, to name a few. In some cases, this may have shifted or changed the relationships. For better or worse. It’s good to know sooner. I think I’ve made my politics pretty clear on here. But things are constantly shifting. I have normalised changing my opinion when presented with new information. This is an important skill that I take pride in.

At any rate, it’s good to be reminded of why the decisions you made were for the best, as we tend to second guess ourselves as humans. I know deep in my heart that I’ve no intention of moving back to the states, even if it has meant giving up a great love, family, whatever. I can't see myself raising a child in that environment. I know it would be unfair of me. What I don’t know, is where I’ll settle. But I don’t spend much time worrying about it or planning for it. I take the action I can in the present, according to whatever (or whoever) guides me and I let the rest of it take its course.

Because it will anyway.

My job is just to clear the space within so that I can be the purest channel for spirit to move through me and guide my path.

Little by little, I am making room.

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