I Think I Now Have Biceps

Let me begin by saying WOW ! What a long day. Traveling is so draining. I’ll give you the play by play.

I woke up late this morning because mum never woke me (I have this theory that she never wanted me to leave her.) It was my friend Kathi who called to tell me she was sick and could not visit that woke me up. “Frozen I’m frozen, I’m frozen, I’m frozen” (Tami Chynn) her ring tone. That is where it all started.

The next thing I know, I am on my way to the airport 30 minutes away at 12:10 to catch a flight at 1:25. The good news? Web check-in. When I got to the airport, it was like a marketplace in the middle of the day. There were people and bags everywhere, and not enough movement. Luckily, the web check-in line was pretty empty. Due to my soft spoken-ness, though, some overly obnoxious lady makes her way through the bags and steps right to the check-in counter in front of me. (I’m pretty sure they are supposed to call you up when they are ready). But she clearly thought I was standing there for fun. Hmm.. Patience! Though at this point I was super late.

Eventually, they found out which flight I was on, realised the rush, and sent me on my way to the security check-point. But of course, the line was as long as an extension cord and was not moving. Ever notice how the world seems to work against you when you are in a rush? Yeah. Thank God I knew the pilot. He took me through the line with him and the flight crew. He set me up when I got on the plane too. Seat 1A and non-stop Pepsi service. Now that is what I am talking about.

But wait, how could I forget my favourite part. Listening to and watching all of the clueless and hilarious travelers who speak so loudly that they become everyone’s source of temporary entertainment.

I had a bit of down time at the boarding gate while everyone else was lined up to get on. In that short window, I managed to hear this lady complaining. “Oh my gosh. Why is there no one here.” Apparently, she was flying Spirit on a connecting flight to DC – yes, I heard all of that – and was under the impression that boarding was at gate H6. Any sensible person would look around, maybe find a flight attendant or other person in uniform. But not her. She simply stood at an empty gate and decided to call Spirit Headquarters, as if they can help her.

“No, I checked in already, and I am at the gate but no one is here,” she had to repeat about four times. Go figure. I almost wanted to turn around and say “Do you really expect them to help you find the damn gate? I mean really. Try looking.”

The funniest part? It was Gate H5. Right across from where she was so ignorantly standing, and the gate she passed to get there. I am rolling my eyes right now if you could see.

But wait, there was another helpless and confused woman in the vicinity – mind you, none of these ladies were elderly, so they have no excuse.

“We are now boarding passengers seated in rows 20-25 on Air Jamaica flight-34 non-stop service to Montego Bay” – a line repeated for the next 24 rows. Yet still, being the last to board since they start from the back, I was able to hear when the flight attendant called out a passenger in front of me and said “Mrs. Burke, this flight is going to Montego Bay, and you are going to Kingston.”

Are you serious? I cannot seem to figure out how one can be so oblivious.

On the plane, I put on my MJ playlist, and before I knew it – four glasses of Pepsi later – we arrived. I came off the plane to enter another overly crowded airport. Recession? Yeah right. Apparently since the outbreaks of Swine flu in Mexico, tourism has significantly increased in Jamaica – that might explain why H1N1 has now arrived as well. More long lines and patience necessary.

The biceps title comes in because there were no carts and I was forced to carry my three bags all at once from the baggage claim to customs where I had to lift and open them for search, and then from there to the car outside. It really was only two bags and a carry-on, (and a purse) BUT I only have two hands, and those bags were pretty heavy. Furthermore, let’s not forget that I am 5’2, 115lbs.

My conclusion? Chivalry is dead. (If you did not already know.) Of all of the bored and idle male workers in the airport, not one of them loaned a helping hand.

Anyway, I have been here for about three daylight hours, and have probably already lost 10 lbs of sweat.

My first stop in the morning, la playa.

Home sweet home.

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