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My first thought being back in Phuket: it feels like just yesterday that I left. Like the last year of my life didn’t even happen.

As we drive past the airport and take that left turn at the light, I vividly remember and watch in my mind’s eye my journey in the other direction. The stress of ensuring I had all the paperwork for Thanos. The fact that he’s no longer with me. Saying goodbye to so many things. I remember the time I rode my trike and parked it at the airport for a short trip to Bangkok. How cool it was to come out, tuck my carry on in the foot area, and ride off in the wind.

Missing my bike. Missing my life here. So many memories on these roads. On each of them, a different one. A flood. Going this way and that. For this and for that reason. Always with him. Sometimes also with Thanos. Both of them gone in other directions.

I feel deeply all the things. Longing and grief. Comfort, relief, and freedom. Happiness and strength. Excitement and fear. A welcoming. But above them, a knowing that it’s the beginning of a final process of healing. Of remembering with gratitude, not pain. And of welcoming new experiences and memories that will usher in and clear the rest away.

Let it all wash over me and stream off into the healing Earth as I dance to a new rhythm.


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