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The Crash After the High

Today I crashed.

I woke up in the morning feeling a bit low. I can’t explain why or how or what caused it, I just felt it. And it sort of dictated my day.

Originally I thought I’d wake up early, which I did thanks to a phone call from a colleague in Cayman who wasn’t aware of the time difference, and then go to the market. I thought I’d get lots of fruit for the house and then I’d go down to Rawai, the little beach town, to get an açai bowl from the usual place. Then maybe I would meet up with a friend by the lake and we’d do a bit of exercising or walking.

Instead, I stayed in bed and wrote until 9 o’clock when the staff of the place I’m staying came in to deal with a plumbing issue. I stayed in the living room until he was finished, working on fixing a few things on my blog in the meanwhile. I had finally posted the first blog about my journey back here, because I’m several days behind, and in the process realised my old blogs didn’t transfer over properly. I started working on this, daunting as it was, as well as fixing some issues with subscription.

The next thing I knew, I was asleep. Heavy rain had come down and lulled me straight to sleep, right there on the sofa. This ended up being the whole day. I slept there until almost 4 PM, at which point I forced myself up and into the shower. My face was swollen and my eyes were super red. I needed a refresher and to start my day, late as it was. A few friends and I had made plans to meet for Acro at 5 at the beach so it was time to get ready anyway.

On the way, I was able to help a friend who’d gotten a flat tyre on her bike and we slowly made our way to the beach. She had also been having a low-energy day.

Going to the beach, seeing friends, and getting into the practise definitely helped with my mood, as always. But things really turned around when I started eating durian.

Yesterday I had stopped off at a place where I thought I saw Puangmanee (my favourite variety) and was told he had Chanee and Monthong. Chanee is my third favourite, but it wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow. I wasn’t super hungry that time so I gave my word that I’d be back tomorrow, and I like to keep my word. Today was that day, and I kept my word and grabbed some Chanee from him—only to find out that earlier he did, in fact, have Puangmanee but I was too late. I had also found some Kanyao (my second favourite) when I stopped off near the beach for some pomelo. It was going to be a night full of durian, after having eaten little to nothing all day.

What a mood booster.

Two bites into the marshmallowey goodness and I was flooded with endorphins. Life suddenly had colour again and I couldn’t stop myself from dancing in delight with each bite I took. I didn’t even wait until I got to my place to start. But I stopped at the security gate and shared some with the guards. Their smiles were so big and bright that they tripled the pleasure of the experience for me. It was shaping up to be a good night.

I got home and quickly showered, as I was a bit late to make it to Phuket Old town for the walking street night market. I love to go there because I like to see the buildings and it’s a way for me to socialise without socialising. At some point during my meandering, I had quite literally bumped into an old friend, who was again so delighted to see me. I was greeted with a long, excited hug followed by “omg you’re here!” We did a bit of catching up, he introduced me to his girlfriend and a guy he’d met recently who also it turns out lived in Florida for 20 years. Everyone was in such a good mood, but it wasn’t the fake American kind where they walk away saying “ugh I don’t even like that person”. These were real genuine smiles and happiness for life and other human beings.

Again, warmth.

I continued walking around by myself after that, grabbing a few things for my coworkers in Cayman and making notes of what else I’d get for them next time. Eventually, at some point, I looked up and saw a sign that said “vegan” and thought oh I’ll actually get some food here, and when I looked behind the table, it was a woman and her husband whose restaurant I used to frequent when I lived here. They, too, were so happy to see me and she came out of the booth and gave me a big hug. We also did some catching up and I made a vow to visit her at the restaurant sometime this week.

They also asked me about Thanos, and I’ve resigned to just telling people he’s great without getting into the details and grief. It’s been really hard being here without him and especially seeing all the other dogs like him running around at the beach, which he used to absolutely love.

Regardless, my day ended on a high note. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

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